no. she'd just left her lover and a friend behind to deal with a man wearing her husband's face, how could she be okay? and yet she knows she cannot resist the forest still, even if she's aware that none of this is real. why can't she wake up? why can't she...
...
lily looks over to pavlova quietly, a heavy silence weighing on her shoulders before she pulls him into a hug. )
...
When I was still bespelled. You had asked me something...
[ Asked her something? He's asked her many things over the course of this pastel painted nightmare, so that wasn't as clear as she might think. He needs a moment before he can pinpoint exactly what she's referring to.
... He accepts the hug, though. Whatever's going on, she probably needs it. Whatever their differences were, he wasn't going to push her away right now. ]
I asked you what your childhood was like, if that's what you mean.
[ And was told he deserved to hold only good things in his heart which was. Something given his upbringing. ]
Do you want to sit down?
[ A soft offer out of habit really. They'd ran quite a ways after all. ]
( but selfish as it is, she doesn't want to let him go. she looks down at him in her arms for a moment, before looking up at the night sky. eventually she puts one of her hands over his own, taking in the size, almost.
her voice is raspy when she starts to speak. )
... I was baked... with very fragile dough. I knew only pain so severe that I couldn't move some days. The days I could go out, my village was torn between doting and fussing, or... just letting me wander.
My guardians could not help my pain. They didn't know what to do for me, and I know it for a fact that they would have been relieved if I had died in my wanderings, as much as they would also grieve, because then they would not have to worry anymore.
A teacher at the Blueberry Yogurt Academy was able to treat my pains, but only a little. Compared to what my village was capable of, though, it was truly the most relief I'd ever felt..! And...
[ Not for the first time, it kind of settles how the cookies who hurt him and his parents were just... cookies themselves at the end of the day. It feels weird to think about, but he can't really deny it when she lays it out like this.
Of course, she hadn't yet, but the threat weighed on his mind. ]
So that's why your arms were wrapped like that...
[ He thought it was a questionable fashion statement, but considering he's been his mother's dress up doll his whole life he really can't talk.
And besides, the idea that her guardians would be relieved if she crumbled despite loving her. Mmm... It's not the same as his situation, but there have been times he thought his would be completely unaffected if something happened to him. ]
... Was it fun? Wandering?
[ The question is quiet. He doesn't know what else to say- he knows that line of thought drove her to some dark places. Part of him is curious too, given his short leash. He presses into the hug a little. ]
... despite those thoughts did you have fun at the Academy? Do you still hurt?
Yes. ... Were we still dough, they would be holding my arms together- I have... never been good at taking care of myself. At one point, my arms had started crumbling a little. In both this world and home, my wraps keep a medicine applied.
It doesn't help as well as it used to.
( she doesn't let go still, but it might explain the almost minty smell on her hands sometimes, wouldn't it? what goes unsaid is that the wraps also serve to hide the stains of forbidden magic now, too. )
It was, though. I loved both exploring the forest and the academy so very much. I loved asking questions and finding answers, and... that is also where I met Pure Vanilla Cookie.
( she's quiet for a moment before sighing. )
I do. It's worse some days. But I have learned to push through it.
The medicine probably doesn't soak into skin as well as it did dough. That might be part of it.
[ He's come to realize that for as odd as skin was, there were some advantages. It being resistant to liquids is one of those, though in this case it was a bit of a pain... maybe she could find another way to use the medicine... but they'd have to worry about that when they got out.
... but, well. She told him about her childhood. He might as well do the same. ]
My childhood's a little fuzzy in places. I've been a "child" for a long time... but I do remember when I was still a little doughy, my father would take trips to the Sugarlands to visit me. The Garden wasn't around back then. Mother hadn't lost herself to her despair over how fleeting happiness is just yet. It was nice back then. Dad would sit with me and read me stories or teach me something he thought I'd enjoy. Mom would sing and carry me around as she worked. Sometimes we'd get visitors from other areas of Beast-Yeast and mother would tell me about the other beasts fondly.
Things got really bad, though. Dad stopped visiting, mother made the Garden and didn't let me leave unless she knew where I was going. I didn't even think anything of it until she decided to... clip my wings. She was worried I'd hurt myself, she said. But I've seen her put people to endless sleep in her jam jars, I've seen people go mad and mutate from being left to rot in the garden's indolence. I've seen her turn rowdy residents of the garden into sugar statues. I've seen what she does to people who want to leave.
[ He just... looks tired. ]
I'm not perfect either. I helped her, so I guess I deserved being locked up too. That's what you guys want to do if we get back, right?
( she holds him close as he talks- which makes his final question cut like a knife. her whole body goes still and it hurts to breathe almost. the way his mother had hurt him, and now he expects the same of her-
before pure vanilla vanished, she would have been conflicted still. and yet now... now she can't fathom doing that to shadow milk and pavlova.
she doesn't know what she'll do when they return to earthbread. if they'll even follow her home. )
... I don't know if I can. Not when I love you both. Not when I see your father trying to improve, and you recovering in your own ways.
I don't know what the future holds. But I want to keep you safe. I'm sorry.
[ Love... It's weird hearing that word in relation to himself. She doesn't seem to be lying, but... It's always difficult for him to believe that kind of thing. After all, his mother often said she loved him too, and believing her... hadn't been wise. He was a fool to think he'd be an exception to her cruelty. ]
With all we've done, I don't think anyone would really believe we've changed.
[ There's a measure of resignation in his voice, like it's something he's accepted a long time ago. He doubled down for a reason after all. He can't leave his mother, both because of what she'd do to him and... because of the fact no one would ever believe him. He'd just be changing cages no matter what he did.
Still, he holds on a little tighter. He wants to believe her, but experience just says not to get his hopes up. ]
If I go back, I'll be back with my mother... And if dad goes back he'll have a lot of pressure back on him. I'm not sure how that will change things. But while we're here I'll believe you.
We don't know how things will be when we return. But we can still try for the best, can't we? ... And... if somehow, despite everything I've done, they can give me open arms... then I truly believe it would be the same for you.
( he was a child. she was a grown adult with far more jam on her hands. the difference to her is clear as day- pavlova would be helped, she's sure of it.
but shadow milk... ... )
Your father will have a lot to face. But he won't be alone.
[ She has so much hope for what could be when they leave, and he just doesn't understand it. Doesn't she stand to lose just as much at the end of this?
Maybe she's used to losing things. Maybe he's just not ready to lose all he's ever known. The predictable cruelty is safe compared to the unknown. He can prepare for that.
But he doesn't want to argue, not right now. And he doesn't think it'll do any good. So at least for now, he'll let himself pretend this can end any way except horribly. He closes his eyes and hides his face as he hugs her. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
...
no. she'd just left her lover and a friend behind to deal with a man wearing her husband's face, how could she be okay? and yet she knows she cannot resist the forest still, even if she's aware that none of this is real. why can't she wake up? why can't she...
...
lily looks over to pavlova quietly, a heavy silence weighing on her shoulders before she pulls him into a hug. )
...
When I was still bespelled. You had asked me something...
no subject
... He accepts the hug, though. Whatever's going on, she probably needs it. Whatever their differences were, he wasn't going to push her away right now. ]
I asked you what your childhood was like, if that's what you mean.
[ And was told he deserved to hold only good things in his heart which was. Something given his upbringing. ]
Do you want to sit down?
[ A soft offer out of habit really. They'd ran quite a ways after all. ]
no subject
( but selfish as it is, she doesn't want to let him go. she looks down at him in her arms for a moment, before looking up at the night sky. eventually she puts one of her hands over his own, taking in the size, almost.
her voice is raspy when she starts to speak. )
... I was baked... with very fragile dough. I knew only pain so severe that I couldn't move some days. The days I could go out, my village was torn between doting and fussing, or... just letting me wander.
My guardians could not help my pain. They didn't know what to do for me, and I know it for a fact that they would have been relieved if I had died in my wanderings, as much as they would also grieve, because then they would not have to worry anymore.
A teacher at the Blueberry Yogurt Academy was able to treat my pains, but only a little. Compared to what my village was capable of, though, it was truly the most relief I'd ever felt..! And...
That is when I began to wonder why I was so weak.
no subject
Of course, she hadn't yet, but the threat weighed on his mind. ]
So that's why your arms were wrapped like that...
[ He thought it was a questionable fashion statement, but considering he's been his mother's dress up doll his whole life he really can't talk.
And besides, the idea that her guardians would be relieved if she crumbled despite loving her. Mmm... It's not the same as his situation, but there have been times he thought his would be completely unaffected if something happened to him. ]
... Was it fun? Wandering?
[ The question is quiet. He doesn't know what else to say- he knows that line of thought drove her to some dark places. Part of him is curious too, given his short leash. He presses into the hug a little. ]
... despite those thoughts did you have fun at the Academy? Do you still hurt?
no subject
It doesn't help as well as it used to.
( she doesn't let go still, but it might explain the almost minty smell on her hands sometimes, wouldn't it? what goes unsaid is that the wraps also serve to hide the stains of forbidden magic now, too. )
It was, though. I loved both exploring the forest and the academy so very much. I loved asking questions and finding answers, and... that is also where I met Pure Vanilla Cookie.
( she's quiet for a moment before sighing. )
I do. It's worse some days. But I have learned to push through it.
( this is a bad thing. )
no subject
[ He's come to realize that for as odd as skin was, there were some advantages. It being resistant to liquids is one of those, though in this case it was a bit of a pain... maybe she could find another way to use the medicine... but they'd have to worry about that when they got out.
... but, well. She told him about her childhood. He might as well do the same. ]
My childhood's a little fuzzy in places. I've been a "child" for a long time... but I do remember when I was still a little doughy, my father would take trips to the Sugarlands to visit me. The Garden wasn't around back then. Mother hadn't lost herself to her despair over how fleeting happiness is just yet. It was nice back then. Dad would sit with me and read me stories or teach me something he thought I'd enjoy. Mom would sing and carry me around as she worked. Sometimes we'd get visitors from other areas of Beast-Yeast and mother would tell me about the other beasts fondly.
Things got really bad, though. Dad stopped visiting, mother made the Garden and didn't let me leave unless she knew where I was going. I didn't even think anything of it until she decided to... clip my wings. She was worried I'd hurt myself, she said. But I've seen her put people to endless sleep in her jam jars, I've seen people go mad and mutate from being left to rot in the garden's indolence. I've seen her turn rowdy residents of the garden into sugar statues. I've seen what she does to people who want to leave.
[ He just... looks tired. ]
I'm not perfect either. I helped her, so I guess I deserved being locked up too. That's what you guys want to do if we get back, right?
no subject
before pure vanilla vanished, she would have been conflicted still. and yet now... now she can't fathom doing that to shadow milk and pavlova.
she doesn't know what she'll do when they return to earthbread. if they'll even follow her home. )
... I don't know if I can. Not when I love you both. Not when I see your father trying to improve, and you recovering in your own ways.
I don't know what the future holds. But I want to keep you safe. I'm sorry.
no subject
With all we've done, I don't think anyone would really believe we've changed.
[ There's a measure of resignation in his voice, like it's something he's accepted a long time ago. He doubled down for a reason after all. He can't leave his mother, both because of what she'd do to him and... because of the fact no one would ever believe him. He'd just be changing cages no matter what he did.
Still, he holds on a little tighter. He wants to believe her, but experience just says not to get his hopes up. ]
If I go back, I'll be back with my mother... And if dad goes back he'll have a lot of pressure back on him. I'm not sure how that will change things. But while we're here I'll believe you.
no subject
( he was a child. she was a grown adult with far more jam on her hands. the difference to her is clear as day- pavlova would be helped, she's sure of it.
but shadow milk... ... )
Your father will have a lot to face. But he won't be alone.
Neither of you will.
no subject
Maybe she's used to losing things. Maybe he's just not ready to lose all he's ever known. The predictable cruelty is safe compared to the unknown. He can prepare for that.
But he doesn't want to argue, not right now. And he doesn't think it'll do any good. So at least for now, he'll let himself pretend this can end any way except horribly. He closes his eyes and hides his face as he hugs her. ]
You'll come get me, right?
no subject
what a silly question. what a heartbreaking question. and yet there's only one answer: )
Of course I will.